September 25th. I was working the night shift on Van Brunt Street when the phone rang. Wrong number. I continued eating my delicious Key Lime Pie from Steve’s, so authentic and…

Brrrrring! Brrrrring!

“Red Hook Star-Revue, the new Voice of…”

“Enright! Why did you just hang up on me!? Never mind, The Village Sun is reporting the Mayor’s just been indicted but it’s under seal. I need you to reach out to your Bureau buddies and get us a copy of the indictment so we can scoop The Villager!”

“George, that’s a no go. They’re too…”

“Too what? Too Boy Scout-y?!”

“No, they’re too busy weaponizing the FBI to bring down Trump and the GOP.”

“What? Senator Menendez and Adams are both Democrats!”

“I know, it puzzles me too.”

“Then stop being puzzled and get busy! You’re my Insights Editor and we need Insights!” Click.

Well, it was late and I needed a drink to wash down the Key Lime so I headed over to Sunny’s to mull things over. No sooner had Izzy poured my Dewar’s than Chet plopped down on the stool next to me.

“Guess you heard the news about Adams,” he surmised, then smugly announced, “I know what’s in it.”  Before I could respond, ogling my scotch he asked, “Dewar’s right? I always liked Dewar’s.”

I motioned to Izzy and after a couple of shots, Chet was filling me in on the details of the indictment.

“It’s all about the Bola Wrap,” he announced sadly.

“What?”

“The Bola Wrap. It’s a gun that shoots out a thin rope that wraps around a perp’s legs. Damn! It was just a humane substitute for bullets and tasers! Why take him down for that?! Now my shot at that new job is dead.”

“What job?”

“A new post they created just for me based on my Chat GPT chops – Senior Advisor to the Mayor’s Assistant Executive Director of Innovation and Emerging Markets for the Chief Efficiency Officer. I’m dry, by the way.”

I motioned to Izzy. He looked at Chet, then me. “Doubles now, right?” I nodded. While Chet threw down, I pointed out that the Bola Wrap episode was years ago when Adams was Borough President. “Chet, what about all the buzz around bogus campaign contributions? I mean the Bola thing seems small potatoes.”

“Sure, whatever, but he was trying to get them Bola gun guys a City contract, so the Feds must’ve figured they paid him a lot of money because right after that he took a trip to Turkey and was livin’ it up over there.”

“Turkey? Why Turkey?”

Chet laughed. He was feeling no pain now. 

“Hey, remember when we used to go the movies as kids and our parents would pack us a peanut and butter and jelly sandwich??

“Sure, Saturday, all afternoon for just a quarter.”

“Yeah, and if you could scrounge a nickel, do you remember the one candy that would last the longest?”

“I dunno. Tootsie Roll maybe?”

“No way, it was Turkish Taffy. Smack it on the back of the seat in front of you and it cracked into pieces you could chew forever.”

Chet paused, looking down at his next shot.

“Yeah, so what,” I nudged him, “let’s get back to…”

“Well, the Adams administration is like that Turkish Taffy. The Feds just broke it into pieces and this is just the first indictment, they’ll be plenty more to come, so sell that Bola stock. Man oh man, they created that position just for me, an assistant to innovation and efficiency or something. Now I’ll never learn what they meant by emerging markets.”

“Who’s your source for all this, Chet?”

“Freshen up my drink and I’ll give you a hint.”

While Chet weaved his way to the john, Izzy gave me the look. I slapped more bills on the bar. 

Suddenly I recalled an old picture I dug up recently while researching the origin of the uber-odd plank in the 1,386 page City of Yes Housing Magila, which forgave developers from having to get a special permit when building near a railroad right-of-way. It raised the hackles of Community Board 10 in Bay Ridge which had been wrangling over just such a site where guys named Wiliam Wachtel and Morris Missry had a development stake.

Anyway, the picture showed Eric Adams back in 2011, when he was a State Senator, flashing 20s to Borough President Marty Markowitz who was behind the wheel of a Turkish taffy…er, taxi…on Fulton Street. They were shilling for Karsan, Turkey’s national car manufacturer, bidding to design a new fleet of taxis for the city. Turkish consul general Mehmet Samsar grinned in the background while William Wachtel, high-powered influential Manhattan attorney and President of Karsan’s USA subsidiary, smiled. Wachtel is also the US rep for Swobbee, a British e-bike-charger company that was recently selected by Mayor Adams over other bidders to implement a citywide pilot project. And Wachtel is the Chairman of Saker Aviation, which last year was awarded a city contract by the NYC Economic Development Corporation to operate the Pier 6 helipad. Sitting on the EDC board is Morris Missry, who is also Wachtel’s law partner.

Chet reappeared and broke my reverie.

“You wanna know my source? Well, I’ll tell you. It was Chat GPT. I just fed it everything in the press about Adams and it burped out Bola.”

“OK, Chet, I gotta go. Call me when Chat GPT burps out its take on the superseding indictment.”